Tuesday 29 January 2013

A Sex Date Is A Lot Like A Movie


It’s all about expectation and whether those expectations are met.

You go to the movies because of an expectation in your head that is derived from advertising, word-of-mouth or promotion. And so it is with sex. How much you enjoy the movie/sex is really how well those expectations are fulfilled.

The Advertising – the profile on the dating site advertises his main assets – his storyline, his looks, his potential. You see the images of what is on offer, perhaps you look at his teaser video, check out any sex-star rating from his previous lovers, make a note of which suburb or town he is playing in, then decide to spare some of your time and take a chance that there will be a pleasurable result from the meeting

Referral – perhaps you might check with your friends as to whether they have already dipped into his offerings. Good word-of-mouth always raises expectations of a potential fun time

The Screening – you arrive, you chat, he reveals his body, you play together, you decide if he’s worth possibly seeing again, you leave. Of course, if the movie is really bad and has been falsely advertised, then you can always walk out before the ending. Perhaps some recreational enhancements can be shared instead of sharing popcorn. Perhaps a cell phone ring interrupts the flow of the action

Extended Run – because your first viewing was so enjoyable and/or he piqued your curiosity of a potentially deeper and more fun-filled time, you make plans for a return visit. An extended run due to ongoing demand is always possible.  However, if there is no ongoing demand, next week there’s a new offering, new potential gratification and the chance to extend your areas of interest and satisfaction. Sometimes one has to simply forget a boring experience and move on

Your Review – will you nominate him for a good sex star award on his profile? Will you tell your friends that he should be nominated for the “Dud F**K Award” or for the “Hottest Best Hung Hunk Of The Year”?  Perhaps a nomination for “Best Rising Star” or “Man With The Best Potential”. Will your word-of-mouth have your friends salivating with envy or will you keep silent and quietly bemoan the wasted time and effort you spent getting to see him.

Are you a satisfied customer?  However you feel, it’s a result of how well he satisfied your expectations. Like any genre of movie you choose the one that interests you the most. Chances are that you are a bit of an expert in that genre and it’s part of your nature to explore it further. Occasionally you might venture into a different field just to see what that is really like, but chances are you’ll continue to enjoy your own particular favourite satisfying form of sex, even if that ranges from “seen-it-all-before” through to “best sex ever”.

And like the movie makers, thanks to the prodigious dating sites on the Internet there’s always another batch of new releases on show next week in your local area. Bring ‘em on – and have fun!  May the unexpected bring you the greatest of pleasure.

Wednesday 16 January 2013

Sex Doesn’t Always Have To Be Recipricol - Does It?


At a bathhouse/sauna there is usually a plentiful supply of men who will want to play with you. So if the partner you have chosen turns out to be not what was expected then you can excuse yourself with an “I need a break” and move on. I’ve done this many times with men who give nothing back no matter how much encouragement you give them. It seems that the more I give in pleasure the less he feels a need to respond to my needs. I’ve reached a time of my life when I expect something in return for my enthusiasm even if that is not in equal measure to what I’m giving him. I’m in that environment looking for sex and pleasure, and if trick number one is not going to satisfy me, then I move on.

When you’re in his home, with just the two of you, it’s that much harder to think up an excuse to leave, but as the guest it’s easier for you to leave if everything isn’t as you were led to believe. He lives there, so can’t opt out so easily.

Sure, there have been times when I’ve totally devoted my energies to giving my new sex-mate all the selfless pleasure I can muster without expecting anything in return. To totally pleasure him was my conscious decision, so there was no animosity in my actions. As other guys have occasionally totally pleasured me, so I return the pleasure to someone else.

Sometimes online messages and discussions can alert you to the fact that the proposed meeting could be one-sided. This is not always a bad thing.

Take for example

-       an older or more experienced man wants to introduce the inexperienced man to the delights of various forms of pleasuring. It’s an opportunity to give the latter an education through pleasure, learning through experience what it is like to be the centre of attention, to be told to “just relax” and let it all happen -  “you’re in safe and experienced hands and I want you to know how fantastic intense man-to-man pleasuring can be”.  It’s a great opportunity for the experienced and understanding top to help take the fear out of an inexperienced newcomer to anal sex. If the sexual bottom has had a previous painful penetration by another man who thought only of his own quick orgasm and not of the inexperienced partner’s comfort - or the newbie who is fearful of what a large hard penis could do to his virgin hole - then a relaxed, unhurried atmosphere with gentle partial insertions and much lube, can change a whole man’s life. A hundred minute session with such an experienced top who is totally giving to his partner and rides that partner for much of time in a wide variety of positions, is indeed life-changing. It’s the stuff of fantasy, but when it happens it’s amazing. Your head then knows that there is no longer fear of pain and that you can take a man’s penis inside you for an extraordinarily long time if the circumstances are right and you are given the right attention

-       a one-sided meet-up can also be a good time for massage. There are many men who enjoy giving their new man a massage for an hour or so before the pleasuring of each other takes over in a more equal manner. When the man being massaged has been sexually aroused near the conclusion of the massage he will be more than eager to share his body with the delightful man who selflessly gave of his skills and time for the other ones pleasure. Massage is generally negotiated before the meeting so that both parties come to the meet-up knowing how the time together will develop

-       at the bathhouse/sauna you can often find a man who enjoys being in a sling, his anal area presented ready for any and all comers. Many a man will stop and give sling-man a minute or two of pleasure without expecting anything in return. And the same happens to the bottom man who you’ll find spread-eagled in a cubicle awaiting any passing erection that might care to stop and play for a minute or two without any expectations of reciprocal play


After a few hookups with men you will soon know your own limits – those that bring you pleasure and the best means of procuring that pleasure – and conversely you’ll know your level of tolerance towards the lazy, self-centred individual.  When the intention of both partners is agreed upon in advance of the meet-up, then a totally relaxed and sensual time can be had even if the activity is not reciprocal in the usually accepted sexual sense. 


Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. 

For more details about other man-to-man sex issues read
THE VERSATILE HUSBAND by Peter Benn
e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or
paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men.  Frank, honest and understanding."
Kirkus Reviews


TALES FROM THE FUR SIDE: Purrfectly Adorable Cat Stories
A collection of entertaining tall tales, and (possibly) true, from the secret lives of cats - as told by the cats themselves!  Mischief. Mayhem. History. Heroism. Revenge and Reflection - this is life as lived on the fur side, beyond the prying eyes of humans – where wisdom, adventure and love mix abundantly with mystery, murder and exotic locations.   A treat for everyone who shares their life with a cat.
http://www.amazon.com/Tales-Fur-Side-Purrfectly-Adorable/dp/1490336966/

New to cruising? Get helpful tips about onboard procedure, an invaluable Check List as to what you'll need  to pack for shore excursions, PLUS details of 25 of the best European and Baltic shore excursions that I've undertaken. Make sure you have the best possible cruise - for all the right reasons.

CRUISE EXCURSIONS: 25 of the Best European Cruise Ship and Baltic Cruise Ship Shore Trips by Peter Benn      e-book or paperback

Wednesday 2 January 2013

Wife Encourages Bi Husband To Have Sex With Men!


Recently while at the local bathhouse I chatted with a married man about his dual sex life. Aged in his early 60s he openly admitted to still having occasional sex with his wife yet he liked nothing better than an afternoon with ‘the boys’ at the sauna engaged in hot sexual pursuits. He enjoys being taken by multiple guys in the sling room, loves watching two or three guys having sex together and will top other married men who are also there for an afternoon delight. If there is group sex happening then probably he is part of it if he is not otherwise diverted by an individual conquest. He thoroughly enjoys the hour or three that he spends there, and he tells me that he does this on a regular basis every week or two.

What interested me most was the fact that his wife knows where he goes – and when he arrives home, she frequently wants to know all the intimate details. As they appear to have an amazing relationship, he proceeds to then tell her as much as she wants to know. Their children are adults and they have left home, so what the parents do together, or not together, is entirely their business.  They have not told the children about dad’s extra curricular activities.

It seems that his wife will sometimes hear all the lurid details whilst they are both having a coffee just as she would be hearing a bit of neighborhood gossip. She’ll ask questions about positions, was it pleasurable or painful, what type of men were the ones he played with and did he converse with any of them.  He did add, that when he comes back home at night and she is in bed, the revelations often turn her on to the extent that she puts the vibrator to one side and it becomes full-on sex for them both.

Intrigued by these revelations I had to ask how it was that the subject of his bisexuality had been raised in the first place. It seems that there was a medical issue with his wife that procluded her having sex for many weeks. Because he was still  highly sexed she knew that he masturbated most days. One time when she walked in on his wanking she said to him that under the circumstances it would be alright by her if he found some sex elsewhere. As he’d often wanted her to have a threesome with one of his best male friends (and they hadn’t) she knew that sex with a man was foremost in his thinking. “Why don’t you go to the bathhouse and meet some nice men and have a fun time?” 

At first he couldn’t believe what he was hearing and any way, how did she know about the bathhouse – he’d only recently been told about it himself. (It would seem that wives do a lot of talking amongst themselves and sometimes they know much more about sexual matters of all kinds that they don’t reveal to their husband). She added, that when she returned to better health she wanted to return to some form of sexual fun with him, but for the meantime, he was given the authority to go out and enjoy himself, to play safely, not bring anyone home and to promise to tell her every amazing and intimate detail.

And so that is what he did. It’s an amazing wife who understands the balance in her husband between sexual frustration, guilt and being open about the sexual gratification needs of them both. If one is too ill, tired or in some way unable to offer sex should this be an impediment to the other seeking and finding such relief?  When so many married men who secretly play with other men can’t even contemplate the idea of raising the issue of their sexuality with their wife, this wonderful woman is a positive role model. How many of us are thinking right now “... if only she was my wife!”

I raise my glass to this wonderful woman – a shining example where the understanding of a marital friendship and family responsibilities can be weighed against the ongoing sexual needs of her spouse – with a result that every one wins. May there be many more like her. Cheers!






A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man 

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! 

Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. 

It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest!

ebook download at:

Everyone can now read Kindle ebooks: If you use an iphone or other smartphone, tablet or computer simply download the FREE app on the Amazon book page next to the Book Description and you'll be up and reading in seconds. Or visit: http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1000493771


THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or
paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews

For a plain unidentifiable eBook cover edition of The Versatile Husband go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI



TALES FROM THE FUR SIDE: Purrfectly Adorable Cat Stories
A collection of entertaining tall tales, and (possibly) true, from the secret lives of cats - as told by the cats themselves!  Mischief. Mayhem. History. Heroism. Revenge and Reflection - this is life as lived on the fur side, beyond the prying eyes of humans – where wisdom, adventure and love mix abundantly with mystery, murder and exotic locations.  A treat for everyone who shares their life with a cat.

New to ship cruising? Get helpful tips about onboard procedure, an invaluable Check List as to what you'll need  to pack for shore excursions, PLUS details of 25 of the best European and Baltic shore excursions that I've undertaken. Make sure you have the best possible cruise - for all the right reasons.

CRUISE EXCURSIONS: 25 of the Best European Cruise Ship and Baltic Cruise Ship Shore Trips by Peter Benn      e-book or paperback